Love wins, and other Lessons Learned in my Family.
My Mamma Marija is the best.
“If you think you're enlightened,go spend a week with your family.” -Ram Dass
As you read this note, I’m on my flight home to the US of A after spending 5 weeks in Croatia & Sweden. As always, I leave with mixed emotions, particularly as my parents get older. Life seems a bit more fragile each time I see them. If you have aging parents, you can probably relate.
You’ve heard me say it before, but staying with my family is my “continued education” in family systems, gestalt therapy and the best mindset/ mindfulness practice I could ask for. And, boy! There’s so much to look at…So many patterns to notice…so many emotions. Today I share 4 lessons from spending time with my family:
Patterns of Behavior: Spending an extended period with your family allows you to observe recurring patterns of behavior, both positive and negative. These patterns can shed light on how your family functions as a unit. Pay attention to your function in the unit and where else you might play the same/ similar role…Perhaps at work? In your relationship?
In gestalt therapy, we begin to explore these patterns and understand how they have shaped your family's dynamics. Recognizing these patterns can help you gain insight into your own behaviors and reactions.
2. Emotional Awareness: Being with your family may evoke a wide range of emotions, from joy and nostalgia to frustration and anger. I cannot stress the importance of being emotionally aware and processing these feelings. In gestalt therapy, emotions are central to self-awareness and growth. Reflecting on the emotions you experience during your time with your family can be a valuable part of your personal growth journey. What emotions are dominant around your family? That’ll give you insight and information.
3. Forgiveness and Healing: Spending time with your family may (will?) trigger old wounds or unresolved conflicts. Learning to forgive and heal is a vital lesson that can lead to greater peace and understanding within your family. I’ve lingered here the longest…forgiveness can be tricky.
Family systems therapy often involves addressing past traumas and working towards reconciliation. Forgiveness can be a powerful tool in breaking destructive family patterns. How? It releases the grip of resentment, allows emotional wounds to mend, and paves the way for personal growth and reconciliation.
4. Love: In the context of family systems, it's evident that love plays a central role in shaping the dynamics within a family. It can be a powerful force for healing and growth. Gestalt therapy also emphasizes the importance of accepting ourselves and others as we are, and love is a key component of that acceptance. My mom, pictured above, stands for “Love” in my family. She models love, forgiveness, kindness and positive regard in abundance.
As I reflect on my experiences, I'm again reminded that love, when offered and received without conditions, has the potential to mend broken relationships, foster personal growth, and create lasting bonds. It's a reminder that even in the complexities of family dynamics, love can be a guiding light, illuminating our path toward understanding, forgiveness, and unity. It may sound cheesy and woo, but after watching my mother model it and witnessing my entire family gather for a dinner I cooked for us, I’m a believer. Love wins.